I've been meaning to do this for a while

Hello! It's been a while.

The last time I wrote something for pleasure, relaxation and pursuing my creative outlet was over 2 years ago. During this quarantine, I figured I have no excuse to let this bland creative streak continue. Writing and editing used to bring me so much relief, and I plan to pick it up again.

Since my last blog post, I completed my senior year at UNL, met a boy, traveled through Italy, spent summer sunsets in Minnesota, moved to New York, mourned the passing of my grandma, got hired, got let go, started running for fun, signed up for going to therapy once a week, picked up my love of cooking again, experimented with makeup, stopped drinking caffeine, got another customer service job (which I tend to love) and escaped to Nebraska for quarantine.

~currently writing this post from the coziness of Lincoln, Neb~

Throughout this time I've had several ideas that I've wanted to write about, but never got the motivation or courage to login and start writing. I think I was scared of starting a project and having no reason not to finish it. I thought about writing about my dreamy holiday in the Amalfi Coast, or the things I've learned during a long-distance relationship, or even the hard TRUTH about moving, working and thriving in NYC as a 22yo.

Maybe in the future, I'll finish these ideas, but for now, I'll just rip the band-aid off and write about my feelings.

~~~

No one prepared me for what it would be like the day after I graduated. Everything was sugary sweet in the last weeks of April, with projects wrapping up, going to the bars on weeknights, warmer weather and the incoming travel plans from relatives coming to celebrate in upcoming days. The reality of getting a job and planning for a future was always present throughout college but almost forgotten before graduation. I had come so far and thoughts like, "let's take a break, you don't need to have everything planned, good things will come to you, recent grads are always hired" ran through my head.

The day after graduation was one of the worst days of my life.

I had done it! Graduation was emotional, beautiful and something I will always cherish, but I woke up the next morning feeling like I had nothing. Nothing to do, nothing to look forward to, no one relying on me. Friends were moving out, summer jobs picked up and I was stuck in Lincoln living out my rent. Summer wasn't all bad, I had the pool to sunbathe by, and plenty of free time on my hands, but the sudden change of being alone with no responsibilities was jarring.

Writing this, I don't completely know where I'm going with this story. Obviously I moved and got a job and I am doing well now. But I wish I would have had a warning. When people say, "college was the best 4 years of my life," that doesn't always translate to "I partied so much, met someone and didn't have a care in the world." I always thought people who said those things were nostalgic for the past and their reckless life. But now I know what they mean. It's not necessarily all the crazy things that happen during college that make it the peak years.

It's a time when you live next door to your best friend. A time when every day is scheduled out for you, and you have tasks you know you need to get done. It's a time in between being treated as an adult with no adult responsibilities. A time when you're given the opportunity and tools to work on any project you're passionate about. A time, even when you feel alone, you know you are a part of a big community. That you are never alone when it comes down to labels- a student, a Journalism major, a sorority sister, a Senior. You will always have qualities in common with those around you.

In an ideal world, I would give anyone who is feeling this same way a big hug and reassure them. In any case, here's some targeted advice:

To the future grad: When a college-aged friend, family member, or random blogger gives you advice about college, take it with a grain of salt. Not everyone's experience will be the same, and not everyone will process it the same way. As someone who loved school, loved reading, loved getting graded, I missed having assignments after graduation. Make sure you take every opportunity you can, but also don't forget to have an insane amount of fun, because you will never have this much freedom. Like ever. Challenge yourself in what you want to do long term. Instead of finding hobbies and subjects you are interested in, find the values that you are passionate about. I guarantee that will end up being a much more rewarding career path.

To the recent grad: The bottom of the totem pole sucks. Coming out of college, you picture yourself with big goals and responsibilities but that's not the definition of an entry-level job. You have to prove yourself. During this frustrating time, make sure to have a plan, a goal, or something to reach toward to get you through. Because when the work gets tough, you are going to have to lean on yourself to find the motivation to work harder. A phrase that has kept me going the past 6 months in NY has been — Prove Them Wrong. When I'm finding something insanely unfair, frustrating beyond words, or feeling hopeless, that has been the phrase running through my head.

To the parent: Understand the workforce we are graduating into. I can not emphasize this enough. Getting a job is more difficult than it was in the past. Anxiety is at an all-time high. Life is more expensive. Try to remember this is the first time the naïve recent grad is feeling the weight of the real world. When the words, "just go get a job" run through your mind, remember that the post-grad wants a job just as much. But where do you draw the line between finding something fulfilling for the soul and settling for something that pays?

All of this said I think I've found more of myself in the past year than I have in the past 10. I know what I want and what I need. I'm getting antsy in this quarantine because when I get out...just wait!

I'm coming back stronger.